Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Less talking, more tequila
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
