the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
