the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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