y did u give ur computer a hand job?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I need a burrito and a hug.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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