Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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