Cold hands, warm shart.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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