Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
