She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
