So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
