I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
