24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
