Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize