ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
