OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
