I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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