strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Randomize
