You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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