You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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