She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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