So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You pole danced in your parka.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
