I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
