i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
