i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
