Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
