sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
