im about as happy as oj after his trial
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
