What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
