a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
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If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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