i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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