Me. At least after what I've been through.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
