he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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