I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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