True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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