She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
