I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
