tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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