I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
