well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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