no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
