Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
