he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
is that a dick in a sweater?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
