and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
