So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
