I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
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and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
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My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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