I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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