This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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