so that wasnt chicken after all
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
