ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
