He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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