its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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