I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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