I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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