hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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