I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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