ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I think i got beer on your cat.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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