ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
