His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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