Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
