There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
