Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
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When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
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And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
my poor anus
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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