It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
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Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
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Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you