I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
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he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
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im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now