why didn't you poke me back
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me