Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Dating After Heartbreak
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals