forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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