I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
