Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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