you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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