I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
