If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
