walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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