Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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