guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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