omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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