dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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